Before y'all pull out the razor blades and mace on me, I'mma need y'all to understand that I didn't run away from my blog. Nothing makes my booty mentally twerk like sharing with you guys--for the record, unless it's a pole, I can't dance worth shit.
In a matter of a month, my life changed on an insane level. So, you guys remember me briefly blurbing about the jack ass on the NYC Marathon course, right? Somehow I managed to ovary up and write a detailed personal narrative for The Root's newest platform: The Glow Up.
And you know what? The shit was a hit.
Like mega hit. Like over 60K viewers hit. Do you hear me bih?! In a matter of hours, my personal narrative changed my life tremendously.
How Does It Feel?
Can I be frank with you, guys? Of course I can!
This shit scares the fuck out of me. Like every day. Honestly, I thought the article might resonate with the runners and maybe some people in the plus-size community. Pardon my deeply rooted negative internal dialogue but I didn't think many would give a shit or accuse me of whining.
Why? Because I've been told to turn the other cheek almost my entire goddamn life. When I was younger, I heard that annoying statement of "Sticks and stones may break my bones..." so take your feelings and throw them shits in the Hudson. When being teased by friends and family for my small frame, I was told to have a thick skin. After gaining weight, tough love and constantly being accused of being the 'angry black woman' took its place. In turn, I coped with it in the only ways that I knew worked for me: Self-destruction.
I fear success. No typo. Present tense.
I am absolutely scared of my own success.
And I know that's sad guys.
But it's true.
I've been broken for a long time and I'm a huge advocate for people doing better. Perhaps I pushed it so hard for others to speak up for themselves because I was so accustomed to catering or grooming people and secretly finding my happy within them. When success came in my direction, I didn't think I was deserving of such praise. I thought I wasn't worthy of being loved or admired.
Frankly, I was an anti-role model for the first two years of my fitness journey. My fitness success came from finally giving a shit about me and not allowing others to tell me that focusing on myself was selfish. I allowed familiar faces to drain my spirit and exert my physical energy on a multitude of levels that I rarely ever had anything left. It wasn't for a lack of verbalizing my concerns; I just didn't have energy to commit to changing my practices.
It's Been A Month Soooo...
I'm not used to receiving this much 'fan mail.' Sweet baby back Jesus of Brooklyn, that sounds weird. For once since the birth of this website, I have way more positive feedback versus trolling.
I must admit that the trolls that come my way packed a helluva punch this go round. For instance, thanks to a troll or two, my photos were flagged on Facebook and Instagram. Sure, I'll admit that I pushed the envelope on some of the photos despite placing happy faces and a black power fists on my groceries; other things that this sack of shit flagged ranged from my 60K photos to pictures of my son. In turn, I spent parts of Christmas Eve to Christmas afternoon fighting for my accounts. While writing this post, I am watching some random person write pointless comments on my latest article.
Whoever this person is can dream of kissing a 360 view of my entire asshole after a marathon on a ridiculously warm day. I wouldn't grace you with the courtesy of getting close to my rotisserie ham.
I must say that I don't fully acknowledge my accomplishments until asked. It's almost like interviewing myself when questioned from several platforms about my brief fitness history.
I learned the following:
Lemme Fluff My Ego for Sixty Seconds, Bih!
I'll make this brief because I'm still getting accustomed to talking about myself for this long. Since the launch of the NYC Marathon story, I managed to put out five articles with The Glow Up, did a crap load of podcasts and spoke on several platforms.
For personal reasons, I cannot say all of the places that I'll be hitting next. Let's just say that I'm looking forward to the next couple of weeks. #geeked
So You Racing and Blurbing on Here or Nah?
Don't even get it twisted. I'm going to be long winded as fuck on here. Why? Because that's how the fuck I roll. I love my profanity, food adventures and fitness endeavors. I absolutely adore my new journey as a contributing writer with several platforms, I cannot picture abandoning "home."
My race calendar will be updated in a few days and I'll be posting it on the Highlights section of this site. This Brooklyn girl will be traveling a bit for speaking engagements next year and if I dare, maybe...just maybe, I'll become an author. My colorful language might be toned down a bit but if things work in my favor, I want to share some heavy layers of myself with you.
I still question what did I do to deserve all of this.
Some days are STILL hard since the loss of my babies. I wonder if this experience will end or if I'll write something that will piss people off. Will I get the Bill Cosby/Chrisette Michele treatment? But fuck all of that. I didn't -and still not- doing this for a popularity contest. This is for my growth.
Alrighty loves. I have some articles to write, a video to edit and some food to eat. I'll share my bucket list with you guys very soon and will be loading up the Food blog section of this site by January or February 2018. Thank you for the love and support over the years. I love the hell out of you guys.
Love and Light,