Writing Hiatus and Why I Stayed

​For weeks, I woke up feeling like I was going through the seven stages of grieving by proxy of the internet. People love what you do until they realize the act has a pulse.

Before I place another blurb on here, I need to trim the excess garbage that's been clouding my ability to write freely for over two months.  Running Fat Chef is a food and fitness blog ran by an individual -- Me.  At times, I think people look at a space that I created initially as an open journal and think of it as a business venture.  Whilst I would love to say something metaphorical and inspiring like 'look at yourself as the most profitable asset in your possession', this is not the case.  This space evolved from a simple plea from multiple friends seeing me elaborate on things in an unadulterated, colorful manner, urging me to look beyond social media to opening up my virtual home to thousands of people -- and I am thankful for all of you, even the ones who serve as unnecessary watchdogs or simply watch to wait for my next 'failure.'

Through this space, I managed to talk about my personal adventures and observations of how people try their best to navigate through spaces that aren't open to people like me:  

1. A person of color;
2. A woman (and a very loud, unapologetic potty mouthed one);
3. A plus sized (or as my blog pseudonym fat) individual;
4. A person with disabilities (never in reverse as I've been taught by my eleven year old son)
5. An openly bisexual woman (although I've been told that I can hide in the safe spaces of my husband -- this doesn't work that way);
6. A non stereotypical type/look of being fat according to the descriptors from social media and beyond (This will be a blog post of its own);
7. An emotionally vulnerable person who doesn't look at themselves as a victim;
8. A person who no longer work out for the sole intention of weight loss;
9. A person with a pulse in the public eye who haven't figured out how to separate the illusive 'brand' from the human being;
10. A human being who still perseveres when countless people suggest that I run for cover, avoid the comment section, don't interact or feed the trolls and play a convenient game of 'What I would do in your situation is none of the advice that you're giving me because you're not in the thick of it...'
11. A human who don't feel good about playing PC for anyone -- especially my new reality:  mainstream media.

I'm as skeptical as a person comes -- I don't believe in crystal balls and at times, I question if humanity truly exists but it doesn't stop me from trying to preserve the bit of magic that I have within me nor pretend to have a blind eye to the compassion, warmth and love that I receive from thousands of people I possibly may never meet.  When I started this blog and encountered my first deliberate piece of hate mail, I questioned 'why me' and secondly, 'why do they hate US so much' referring to millions of people who fit into the census form of the other box in relation to our body types or fitness ability.

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