The writer's block and break is over. Yeah, you read the title right. I'm not politically correct nor will I decide to be safe about my word choice tomorrow.
Before I start going full Twitter finger warrior on you guys, I must thank Nora Whelan for the incredible feature on BuzzFeed! If you haven't read the article or saw the video, please check it out. In addition, I want to send some serious love to the incredible blogger, 300 Pounds and Running, Martinus Evans, for the feature on his super inspirational podcast. I cannot tell you how humbled I am from both of these experiences within a week span, as they have opened me up to people from around the globe who were brave enough to share their own stories with me. I'm still responding back and while I know there's no pressure in doing so, I love being able to talk back with my readers and followers.
Okay, rant time!
Regardless of how many times I say it or put it in my hash tags on Twitter and Instagram, it seems as if people have to remind me that I'm fat. Yes sweetheart, I am fat. What bothers me is that most times, I'm being called fat by other fat ass people.
But how Sway?
I personally don't understand this logic, especially when it comes to females. It is truly disgusting to acknowledge how much women will make other women feel about their body image. We (and yes, I lumped us altogether in this, my female readers) are savages and it seems as if the petty movement has given us permission to talk shit about each other. I have listened to women chop down another woman for being a size 26 when she's a size 22 and has a sleuth of health issues of her own. How disgusting are WE to belittle someone's body for five minutes for the sake of atrocious toilet bowl humor?
I will not play Mother Teresa on my own blog, hence the title. I know that I have been part of the problem at times too, as my favorite expression can be the affectionate curse word "bitch" randomly in a conversation. Despite what some conservative folks might think, it is not a part of my vernacular so much because I lack the intelligence to use a better choice of words; I too, fell in the vicious cycle of normalizing offensive phrases.
Brief Intermission for Petty Moment #322: That Moment When Trolls Show You That They Are SOOOO Clever...and You Give Them Your Ass To Kiss
NOTE: Rachel can kiss all of my ass. All 200 + pounds of my bench pressing, Kit Kat eating, don't skip leg day, running for the ice cream truck in heels and willing to squat her under eye bags as a weight ass. Once in a blue, if provoked on the wrong day, I will come for you. Okay, now back to the original segment.
All Fat Is Not Created Equal
Let's have a honest dialogue with ourselves. Have you looked at two people who were the same height and same weight and wondered why they look so different? I know that I used to be one of those people.
Prior to becoming a freelance photographer, I used to look at magazines and see these voluptuous women grace the covers of Essence Magazine or on clothing catalogs and wonder why did my genetics give me the middle finger. Did I piss off someone in my past life and I was cursed with a midsection that resembled a Goodyear tires? Comments like "You're pretty for a big girl..." or "You are going to be sexy once you lose ___ lbs..." made me want to go Tyson vs. Holyfield on a muthafucker. When I called people out on these backhanded compliments, I just look like the angry black fat bitch who is looking for an argument on everything.
Working in the photography industry for seven years in conjunction to freelance culinary work helped me learn that a lot of us has this photo shop state of mind. Society has it shoved down our throats in commercials with dancing skinny white women freely frolicking in the grass while some announcer is laying out all of the side effects ranging from some shit that will play on your psychosis to anal leakage but who cares, right? WRONG.
How disheartening is it to know that there's hate within our own fat community. It's almost as if there's an acceptable type of fat ass and then the other ones who should be returned to sender. A few months ago, a woman complimented me at the gym after I told her about my weight goals. She felt the need to correct me by stating that I'm not fat because I have a muscular build, solid and "big boned" but started depreciating her own body image. In her "compliment," she couldn't help but compare herself to a whale while gesturing towards her midsection.
You're the ideal fat girl. You have a beautiful face, long dreadlocks and your body doesn't jiggle like mine. Nobody wants a beach whale like me. People like me aren't in magazines. People like me aren't allowed to eat in open spaces without being ridiculed.
How many of us have that female (or male) friend who is terrified to experience life because they don't want to be judged harshly from people who they don't know? I have several.
It took a long time to come to this state of accepting my lady lumps. People will ALWAYS have something to say so why the hell are we trying to impress others so bad? Who are these damn people? They're not entitled to our medical records and I'm certain that most of these folks are not a certified doctor.
Perhaps, we all need a psych evaluation because the world has lost its damn judgmental mind. Whilst I brushed on fat shaming in another blog post not too long ago, I failed to truly acknowledge the "other" category. You know, the folks who don't have the Coca Cola bottle shape or the "solid Amazon" body types but still pleasantly plump. The 'other' category to me are the ones who have a robust midsection, might have exceptionally loose skin and you may see them represented on television as the sad friend or they're severely unrepresented as a positive role model in print advertisements YET corporations collect their money, hopes and dreams when showing clothing of other 'plus size models' who are probably a size 8 to 10, padded down at the breasts and hips. I feel like I dropped the ball because there's so many people out there with the "other" body type that stare at folks like me and will say shit like "but I would kill to look like her" while I look off at someone else admiring another fat girl in crime wishing to look like her. Essentially, it turns us all into a bunch of window shoppers dying for the moment that our desired body type goes on sale.
What happens when you can afford that body type and you wear it? Does it get old over time? Does it start to depreciate in value? Do you find yourself walking over to another "department store" looking for another ideal body type? Why can't we find the perfection in our current state, achieve the maximum amount of happiness there and build that happiness through the entire journey? Perhaps this is why so many of us are walking around here with body dysmorphic disorder.
You Said a Lot but Now What?
Guys and girls, we need to truly cut the bullshit. I'm not asking folks to start holding hands, singing kumbaya, giving out fraudulent compliments in the street to random folks who you genuinely don't find to be pretty or attractive. After all, we are all human and shit, not everyone is going to like everyone. Frankly, people like me don't desire to be adored or liked by everyone. I tend to smell through people's phoniness and condescending statements. But can we take it back to grade school for a minute? If you don't have nothing nice to say, could you please do us the favor and shut the fuck up?
Okay, so maybe your teacher or parents didn't phrase it this way but you get the point. Why the hell are we so damn liberated in shitting on our fellow human? Does it make you feel warmer at night when you tucked yourself in your petty blanket or is it just a way to deflect your own personal insecurities? Plus, when do stop handing out invitations to folks shaming our bodies? Cut these bastards off at the door. It doesn't have to be as abrasive as me but could you stand up for yourself. Can you tell that person to mind their business? Could you stop responding their demands for answers on why you are fat or getting a second serving for dinner? Hell, maybe I can ask something similar: Why are we contributing to the problem when we are same people who hate others shaming us for our weight? It's just a thought.