Selfie or No Selfie During Your Races

Just when you thought the asshole in the banana costume passing you during a race as you gasp for air was bad, there's a person like me taking a selfie, doing Instagram stories and Facebook statuses on their phone.  How much is truly too damn much?

Photo Courtesy:  bobbietfotos/ Bobbie Turner Photography
Wardrobe by Skirt Sports
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Allow me to have an airhead moment but I had no idea that so many people were on the fence about taking selfies during a race, particularly marathons.  Perhaps my ignorance comes from being in the back of the pack and anytime that I do it, there's typically a gang of exhausted runners viciously pulling out our phones to take that unnerving "please send help and give me cookies" photo while on the course.  Frankly I find it a bit comical that some people become infuriated by the site of your phone zapping away at your pores while running but I wouldn't be me if I didn't give it some heavy thought.

Playing Devil's Advocate

When I reflect on the last four years of participating in running, cycling and obstacle course race events, I didn't realize that I was part of the "fuck yo selfie" club once in a blue.  In hindsight, it was mostly because the runner was directly in front of me and I was trying to circle around them.  During the 2017 Chicago Marathon, I was on a good groove around mile 15 and I remember preventing myself from snapping off at a couple who came to a dead stop in front of me while I was desperately attempting to maintain a twelve minute pace.  No warning. No courtesy. Just a dead stop.  And for a second, I wanted to choke the hell out of both of them as I almost had a passionate kiss with the Chicago pavement.  Thankfully another irate runner caught me as he too, was trying to circle around Beyonce and Jay-Z of the marathon.  

A part of me forced myself to get over it because I acknowledge my fair share of hypocrisy.  Again, I've done this at almost every race.  In 2014, I could almost guarantee that before the Facebook Live features came into play, I recorded videos of my events as I passed certain markers.  I knew that it was impossible to expect my friends, family and associates to be at every single event and as much as I love talking about the tidbits of a race, I hate repeating the same redundant story 60 times in a row.  Weeks before doing my first half marathon, I thought it would be cool to take people along with me through videos and pictures.  Thus, birthing a Running Fat Chef vicariously snapping moments of her life while smelling like hot trash and drooled on Cheetos.  
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Are People Valid for Being Pissed About Selfies on the Course?

If you're just some hot candied ass on a warm day irritated by people who take selfies for no reason, then maybe you need to chill the hell out.  On the other hand, there's a bit of validation to some people's frustration.

Race course courtesy is a very real thing.  In fact, when most people run in events, we use hand gestures when we slow down or come to a complete stop.  When we have faster runners  who are trying to get around us - or maybe it is just me - runners tend to go off to the sides and proceed, allowing faster pacers to go through.  You can catch me doing this when I reduce my run down to a speed walk and I am able to find clearance.

If you are going to take your selfie while on the course, try some of these methods:

1. Assess your surroundings and make sure that you're not ruining someone else's great time.  I don't care if it's the first or 115th race, face palming is not cute, especially when it's someone else's fault.  Taking a second to look to your left, right, front and behind is not that hard.
2. If you desire to run and you want to take a selfie, keep moving at a consistent pace.  Master the art of selfie-ing while running so you're not in other people's way.  
3. Don't be that asshole to ask another runner to take a picture--unless that person is with you and they're cool with it.  During events, I meet people ALL of the time and once in a blue, I have a friend who runs with me.  Typically I like using tip 2: Running while Selfie-ing but there are times where my friend, husband or fitness partner will extend that courtesy for me.  If the person is stopping to take that picture, move to the side into a safe spot, not smack in the middle of the damn course.
4. Do not be that person who stands at the finish line while others are coming in.  Forfuckssake...other people want to enjoy their victory too.  Most times, professional photographers are taking pictures of you crossing and yes, those pictures are pricey as hell but preserve some courtesy for the person who might buy an image.
5. Please don't come to a complete halt in the middle of the race while a pack of people are standing there without using a hand signal.  
6. Not everyone wants to be in your photo.  Yeah, it's a selfie..but you're in public.  If someone is in the background of your image, with the wrong conspiracy theorist, they might freak out on you for thinking that the government is going to use that image to research their entire life.  
7. Bonus Fry:  Don't be THAT CREEP who takes an embarrassing photo of someone and posts it online.  An ex-friend posted an image of a woman who was bleeding through her clothes - I'm assuming it may have been her menstrual - and that 'stranger' knew at least ten people on my ex-friend's Facebook feed.  On the other hand, if you see me looking fabulous, send my picture over to me honey; if you catch me slipping, say something--I'll appreciate it much more.

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...So What Kinda People Get on YOUR Nerves at a Race?

During races, I'm certain that I piss people off because I tend to smile and look pleasant a lot even though I want to kill everything moving around mile 28.  Not too many people bug me during races but I do have a nice list of the kind of things that drive me nuts:

1. Runners who assume it's my first race and start giving me unsolicited advice about stride and picking up the pace.  Please. Stop. And. Go. Mace. Yourself.​ 
2. I know this is petty but don't tell me about how much you didn't train for a race and then your ass is at the finish line eating all of the bananas, apples and stale bagels.  I am probably friends with you but go fuck yourself.  And yes I'm salty because I lost all of my electrolytes back at mile 8.
3. "You're almost done!"  I heard that during my last ultra marathon...and don't get me started on the blatant asshole who lied to EVERYONE about how much further along that they had until reaching the water station.  Ah North Face Endurance Challenge DC... Where's the Kanye West smile when I need it?
4. It's not your fault but if you and your running partner are having a TMI conversation about your fecal matter, it's probably gonna make me want to poop too.  I don't have a weak stomach; I've been holding my pee and poop since mile one so spare me.
5. Wild Wild West style spit slingers disgust me.  If you're not pregnant with the dreaded spit syndrome, can you swallow.?  Yep. Swallow.  Take it as you want to in the same manner that most of us have been treating the Electric Slide lyrics.
6. Would you, could you PLEASE not be the jackass whisperer who decides to gather up all ten of your friends so y'all can run together in a straight horizontal line...especially at the finish line?  Like bruh, don't be that jerk.
7. Don't be that tone deaf singer on the course that's fucking up ALL of the lyrics.  Running rappers are worse to me and I would love to do nothing but roundhouse kick you to the jaw, you filthy animal. Shut the f*ck up! (I censored it because it has more impact.)

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​So yeah...I'm a hypocrite.  I take selfies and shit all of the time but I try not to be a damn jerk about it.  I know how to play by most of the rules and more than anything, I don't want to be THAT PERSON who ruins a race day experience for anyone.  You cannot appease everyone but if you're going to take a picture of yourself dying majestically on the course with that Prince aura, at least do it right and don't be an asshole about it.  There's an art to this.
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