Running in Shit Weather Conditions

It's 4pm.  Why the hell am I still homebound?  

I packed up my suitcase for Boston two or so days ago.  Because I'm slightly neurotic, I unpacked it, reevaluated my life and decided that 50 percent of my items should go into a larger suitcase because it's workout gear.

You know, I used to hate people like me.  The types that wake up at 4AM with a smile on their face like some new drug on the market for erectile dysfunction, smiling through a field of flowers, skipping with their clueless girlfriend as they lay out all of the side effects on the television.  Then, this person would go to the gym, pump iron for a hour and a half and go for a 100 mile run to nowhere.  At the end of the run, they scream out some delusional rhetoric like "...I'm still standing; I'm still strong", jumping up and down as if there's a film crew recording them for Rocky IX.  Jesus, fuck these people because I became one of them but fatter.  

I guess I didn't make the mark on all of the stereotypes.  But guess what?  I actually love it. Sometimes you have to experience it to understand it.  I never said that I don't judge.  Hell, I'm human.  In turn, I know that someone is going to look at me completely nuts after I done with this blog post.  Today is somewhere around 20 degrees and it's snowing.  And guess what?  I'm going for a 5K jog and doing a full damn workout.  You know why?  Because it's Saturday. 

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But It's _____ Degrees Outside...

Yes, it's cold as hell outside right now but guess what?  It's winter darling.  When summer hits, it'll be too damn hot.  When April kicks around, the rain will beat my ass.  There's always going to be something but it doesn't mean that you cannot be prepared.  Check out my previous blog on running in cold weather called "I Will Not Catch Hypothermia Running This Winter."  

Just in case you're one of those folks who don't have time to read it, essentially here's some things that you can do when it comes to shit weather:

For Snow:

1. Use a fair amount of judgment.  If you think that you don't have on enough layers, put on more layers.  Easier to take some of this stuff off.
2. Trial and error goes a long way.  Singing in the praises of number one, layer up heavy and do a short run not too far off from a place where you can toss your extra clothing to the side.  This way, you'll have an understanding in the future on how to prepare for cold weather.
3. When running in the snow, it's best to run on a sheet of fresh snow than the frozen, shoveled up shit on the pavement.  
4. Slow down your time when needed when running in the snow.  Fuck your PR.  This might not be the day for it.
5. Maybe it's me but it seems like I feel more areas and parts of my ass and legs that are throbbing more than usual.  No, not arthritis.  Well maybe for you.  The snow is a factor that you should take into consideration.  It's like a road block that you have to take the longer route around except you're going through it. I'm sure some article out there will tell you that your muscles are working twice as hard. 
6. You might have paid 100.00 for the race but they're probably not going to cancel it for some bullshit weather.  Learn to deal with it.
7. Enjoy the winter wonderland.  It's beautiful before the dogs piss and poop on it.
8. Oh, I shouldn't forget...warm up your muscles.  You should do this regardless of the weather but hey, I'm just saying.

For Rain:

1. Wearing a good hat and just maybe some glasses, helps out a lot.  The hat will shield some of the rain from your face.  Some folks swear by glasses.  They're not my thing unless it's the summer.
2. You may not want to be put in the trash but wearing a trash bag helps.  It can be the best and cheapest raincoat you ever had if you're waiting around on race day.  Ditch it when you start running unless you like that sort of shit.
3. Layer up if it's cold.  There's nothing worse than running in the freezing rain and getting sick.
4. Exercise precaution.  If it looks slippery, try walking it out until it's safe.
5. Wear something that has a shine just in case people are blinded on the road from the weather conditions.  
6. Lube up your body.  Wet, cold, heat...yeah, these extreme factors can wreak havoc on your skin.  Shea butter has been my friend, along with chapstick.

For Extremely Hot Conditions

1. Reduce your layers.  Your body is like an air conditioner once you start sweating but if it's overheated, you're in trouble.
2. Hydration is key.  For every 30 minutes of working out, you should have a cup of water.  You may need more than that while running in these types of conditions.  Try sipping, not gulping.
3. Again, don't be afraid of slowing down your pace.
4. If the weather is too hot or you have a serious health condition that can put you on the stretcher, perhaps the dreadmill or sitting it out might be the best option, my fellow warriors.  Even I have a chill button in the heat.
5. Shorten your distance if necessary.  If you truly want to run and burn the crazy but the heat is insane, reduce your mileage.  There's another day champ.  
6. Watch that chafing.  I swear 'fo God that my worst chafing experience was in the summer.  Having super Mega Lord thighs ain't cute when you're cooking these ham hocks because of friction.  Looks nasty too.  
7. Pretend you're taking part of a wet t-shirt contest and drench yourself in water.  Cool down a bit.  I'd rather be wet than dead any day of the week.

With this being said, I need to take my happy little ass outside and go freeze for a mile, then warm up around mile 2 and looked at with the stink face for about 45 minutes.  If only I was a faster runner and then I couldn't hear their comments about the crazy nut who refused to take a day off.  I don't feel bad because there's others out there who will join me.  If you dare, feel free to join me on today's workout of the day and hash tag #runningfatchef or tag me on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr posts.  Happy Trails and Side Eyes!

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