Proving Myself: On My 'Running Resume' and My 'E-Bay Medals'

Over the last couple of months, I've been introduced to a new audience thanks to my first contributing piece to The Root about being heckled during the New York City Marathon--and MOST of the feedback has been amazing.  Nevertheless, I find myself here once again, trading in conspicuous hecklers for upgradable concerned trolls who follow my articles; some are bold enough to surface into my inbox.  

Again, I question my own credentials -thanks to trolling- of what message am I sending to myself and to an unsolicited audience about being a plus-size athlete.  A few weeks ago, I started receiving concerned e-mails from various people on my platforms, questioning if I have a 'resume' showcasing my fitness and running accolades.  One person has gone as far as to write me a six paragraph bittersweet love letter praising my 'little medal from the NYC Marathon'  but wanted to give me an opportunity to be transparent with a growing audience if I purchased any or all of my prized possessions from E-Bay.

First of All...

Granted, I know that I am a high school dropout who wasn't able to complete college due to my strained financial situation but e-mails like this leaves me in such an intense perplexed state--I find myself in a bit of a quandary of whether I want Latoya or Shauntay to respond to these inquiries.  In this instance, I'll introduce you to both parts of me who equally want to give you the best feedback possible to your tantalizing questions.

Latoya, a respectable, pragmatic young woman, developed some counter questions of her own--yes, I spoke in the third person:

1. What was your initial reaction seeing my body for the first time?  I truly want you to delve into the first ten descriptive words that come to mind when you see my body on whatever platform that you saw me.
2. Ask yourself, did any of those words scream 'lazy', 'fat,' 'swindler' or remind you of someone who is marketing some form of propaganda?
3. What is your definition of an athlete? 
4. What visual factors contributed to your definition of an athlete?
5. Have you met or seen any athletes, particularly runners, who provide an extensive resume on their website?
6. Multiple Part Question:  Are you an athlete-- a person who is proficient in sports and other forms of physical exercise?  If so, do you have a list of your credentials on your website or social media forum?  If so, why do you find it necessary to share these things?
7. Why do you feel that I need to share such things with the public?
8. Did you do any form of research on me before questioning my fitness regimen, credentials or authenticity of my finisher medals?

When those questions are answered, I want you to review them and ask yourself how you would feel if someone ask you about your level of expertise in your own profession.

Conversely, Shauntay have abrasive questions of her own:

1. Who are you to question any form of athletic 'resume'?
2. Are you offering me a job or life changing career advancement?
3. Did you ask this question because I am a black fat female who can't possibly do ridiculous distances for stale bagels, thigh chafing and defy anything in your closed-minded circle?
4. Which part of my middle finger would you like to meet?
5. Do you have any links to these alleged E-Bay sellers that I can buy my next medal from to lie to the masses about--especially since the times are only documented through accredited organizations?
6. Do you want to go on really slow run with me so we can talk about all of the pretentious stories about BMI, how much food I must eat or any of the comical accusations that have been thrown my way?
7. Are you Jesus Christ, Buddha, Jehovah, a disciple, the Seven Dwarves or Satan himself, for me to answer any of these questions?  

​

Let's Be Serious For a Moment

The short response to these accusations or showcasing a 'resume' is for you to admire all of my fat rolls running away from your bullshit.  

I think this issue goes a bit beyond the jabs at my inbox but more at people who don't fit the cookie-cutter credentials of what an athlete looks like.  Honestly, this conversation is old for me - perhaps new for others - and I'm not here to prove myself to anyone about the finisher medals that are collecting dust on my wall--and you shouldn't either.

Without being my typical NYC self and giving you the directions to sniffing my ass after a three hour run in the heat, instead I'll leave you with this:  If you have time to question someone else's growth, then you should consider utilizing a portion of that time into figuring out how they did it so you can do better.  Honey, when I can't beat anyone, I learn from them.  Being fit in my personal life is not a competition for me.  I'm not striving to become one of the elites but I want to be the best role model to myself everyday when I'm popping my ass, blowing kisses to myself at 4AM when I want to roll back over in my bed instead of going for a 20 mile run.  When I hit the sign up button on a website for my next race, I want to be assured that I'm good enough, trained enough and fit enough to nail the next race.  Creating a resume is the furthest thing on my mind.  If you are so worried about my credentials, Google me.  I'm sure someone's website has a list of my races because the Internet be trippin with its dry stalking ass.  In the meantime, I have a bronchitis infection to nurse, a gym to attend and some sneakers to fuck up at the gym.  Catch me on the trails boo.  I hope I see you out'chea in these streets with me.