This week has been disastrous for my workouts. I haven't gone for a run for a few days now. Every morning, I woke up and told myself that I'm going to at least make the conscious effort to go to the gym. Guys...my FitBit said that I made under 2,000 steps on Monday. Up until 11PM last night, I told myself that I would walk the mile to Planet Fitness. It's currently 1:25 in the fucking morning. I'm not going anywhere.
I guess I should be thankful that I made a light dinner tutorial with my son but around 12 Midnight, I made a bodega run to the corner store. I had the most beautiful Haagen Daez Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream paired with Ruffles cheddar and sour cream potato chips ever known to man. I was listening to podcasts and YouTube videos with my husband and we were talking about it in great depth. Our conversations about politics and our ever changing society can run for hours in this household.
In this conversation, we talked about this interesting pre op trans woman, Blaire White and her YouTube channel. She strongly articulated her disapproval for children to take hormones and puberty blockers, in which I actually agreed with all of her stance. In turn, my husband asked me to view this video and asked about my opinion on it, wondering if I have ever had any of these statements directed at me. Perhaps before you read any further and to not clout your mind with my opinion, you should watch the video.
Initially, I nudged my head here and there on Blaire's opinions, particularly around 1:05 into the video about the color blocking. I noted to my husband that I heard some of these things before but I have been fortunate enough not to experience it in my personal life. Perhaps people can feel my rage sweating profusely under my tiger stripes and fat pockets. Unfortunately, around the 1:30 marker is where I wanted to lunge through my laptop and reenact the Tyson vs. McNeeley fight from 1995. Never saw it? Watch this. You're welcome in advance.
Pardon my aggression but bitch have several seats in the back and do those proverbial pushups that obviously, my fat ass missed all week.
To channel my inner stereotype, first of all bitch...you are obviously speaking from a stance that you are clearly ignorant about. Sure, it's is very true that being "fat" or "obese" can put you into a spectrum of a plethora of problems but guess what? Skinny people suffer from some of these issues too. Heaven knows I tried to look past that statement but her response to people expressing their concern about fat people's health made me cringe.
Lemme help some of y'all out: NOT ALL FAT PEOPLE ARE UNHEALTHY JUST LIKE NOT ALL SKINNY PEOPLE ARE FIT. It is actually pretty alarming that this woman skipped over the topic for so many months and when she finally decided to talk about the issue, she neglected to educate herself on such a subject. Personally, I'm not easily offended, as I actually don't mind being called fat, pudgey or anything in between. I was insulted when she decided to use her platform to ill inform people that you never see obese people living over 50 years of age. She had me completely fucked up when she thought that everyone's opinion should matter and be listened to as if fat people are supposed to waiver their rights to not listening to feedback if it's a concern over our health.
As a person who has sat down on plenty of "interventions" with friends and family members at the very fluffy size of 265 lbs on my then, 5'3 frame, I can tell you that there's a time and place for everything. I also understand that some people are not speaking from a genuine place. To prevent putting some of my friends out there, I remember sitting in my living room being ridiculed about entertaining the thought of getting seconds for dinner, a day that I spent countless hours on my feet at culinary school and work. Anyone who knew me during these times understood well that I rarely ever sat down and went on for hours at a time, sometimes not eating at all to keep up with my daily commitments. My closest friends and family thought it was appropriate to give me their "concerns" about my health, assuming that I overindulged in food and that's why my sodium levels and pressure was off the chart. If only I was strong enough to side eye folks that day, I wouldn't have cried in my bathroom nor entertained the conversation not even ten minutes later about not being approachable because I might "bite her head off" about such a topic. In hindsight, I find it exceptionally hysterical that I suffer from low blood pressure and my sodium levels never danced on the cusp of borderline even in my pregnancy. Assumptions without knowledge is a horrible thing. My "concerned" friends and family assumed the worst and I was backed into a corner like a NYC rat trying to evade the third rail as the train was coming into the station on both ends. It's scarring and traumatizing. I will probably never forget the way that my "concerned," mostly ignorant circle made me feel about my health, particularly on a night that we were supposed to have a great time.
At the 3 minute mark of Blair's video, I think Jesus wept and half of my brain went on a glorious vacation in the Virgin Islands. I almost choked on the Cinnabon that I wasn't eating nor purchased yet when she stated that there's no way that you can be healthy and obese at the same time. As I listened to her vomit words out of her mouth about nutrition and her jaded views on watching an obese person climb stairs made me question how in the hell do I have over 50 medals on my wall. I am starting to think that the Spartan races, NYRR events and Rock and Roll race directors had sympathy over my fat rolls as I scooted ten steps past the start line. I'm starting to question the signs that I saw at mile 3. Maybe they were actually the McDonald's burgers that I refuse to eat.
Blaire White's end thoughts were alarming. To listen to a person convey that fat people should love themselves but should not accept themselves in their current form because of their weight is absolutely atrocious. Suggesting that a "healthy dose of tough love" is going to get me or millions of other fat asses is certainly NOT the way to motivate folks to get healthy. I listened to the video three times in a very hard attempt to pull something positive from it and I practically came up with nothing. To each his or her own when it comes to their own platform but it's grotesque and exceptionally painful to take her seriously when she pokes fun at an audience but suggests at the end of the video that others shouldn't do it. Can we say walking contradiction? Again. Her opinion is relevant for her and anyone who believes in this form of opinion. We could cry, bitch, scream or yell at the top of Mount Everest and it may never sway her opinion to change. The only positive that I found out of watching this YouTube video is being comfortable enough to type up this blog. THIS is why I spend hours of my time contributing a portion of myself to this Running Fat Chef blog.
Okay, You Ranted. Now What?
Bitching about Blaire White and people like her was NOT the key point of this particular blog. Pointing out that this mindset that is actually real was the purpose of this blog. Frankly, I'm not looking to convert you into my state of thinking. If your mind is swayed into a different direction, that's incredible. My intentions are to stimulate a discussion about the pros and cons of the fat acceptance movement. Sometimes you just have to pull the goddamn bandaid off so I'm going to start off with the negative Nancy bullshit that some of you may or may not agree with me on:
But there's the ones who I don't know their name. There's a guy name Leon at my gym who resembles my father who comes to the gym 4 - 5 days a week. He makes a clear effort to say good morning or good afternoon before and after his workouts. The man who jogs between Boys and Girls High School track and St. John's Recreation Center Track for two years now has been shedding weight slowly and pushes himself to come even in the most terrible of conditions to jog. When I thought I was out there alone, I knew I could count on his face. Perhaps, you are inspiring to someone and you don't even know it.
Throughout my almost 4 years of truly changing my health while being plus size, I watched people who adopted some of my workouts who completely made a transformation. There's folks like me who made it to goal weight and realized that this wasn't visually for them. Not all of us want to be "fixed." Not all people was designed to be skinny. We should all be designed to be happy with self though. If it was anything that I wanted to accomplish with this blog, I would hope that my words could help someone who has contemplated suicide because of their weight or embarrassed by a family/friend who is obese. Perhaps, it'll be the gateway to understanding someone that they love. Maybe you just need someone who has a loaded potty mouth who actually give a damn about strangers for some reason. Nevertheless of how you take my rants and long winded breakdowns in my article, know that I appreciate you for you.
Despite my disagreement on Blaire White on her views, it doesn't take away who she is as a human. I am sure as hell gonna side eye her and still suggest she have a stadium of seats on this topic but I don't know her on a personal level in my everyday life. I just hope that if she ever read this fat lumps' stance, she will be more educated on such a sensitive topic. We are not all just sitting on mountains of food awaiting our deaths. After all, we are all human.