Chub Rub: Thick Thighs Don't Save Lives

Sometimes, I forget that a bulk of my readers aren't runners.  Strangely enough, a lot of you read my blog for the following reasons:
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1. You're a sucker for this potty mouth:  I curse a LOT but I manage to balance it out with enough Hallmark bullshit.
2. Waiting for me to curse out the next person:  Yes, I'm a huge nut for yoga, meditation and all things peaceful but you also know that I'm not above being petty as fuck.  In fact, it makes me moist as fuck, like when your significant other says something dirty.  Old school Krispy Kreme with an ice cream or shake from Mister Softee easily gets that same effect.  
3. You love me:  No, you really love me because we're family or a close friend so out of being associated with me, you figure you'll do a sympathy click here and there.  
4. I give good pep talks and lessons on how to tell people to fuck off:  Not sure?  Read my love letter to trolls.
5. Maybe...just maybe, you actually are a runner:  Or maybe a cyclist?  Or a fitness nut?  The Easter bunny?  I don't fucking know anymore.
6. A goddamn troll getting ammunition to take me out on the next hit:  You know how much you bastards warm up my inbox like a yeast infection fermenting for six months...

Whatever reason why you're here, you are HERE!  And for this, I thank you.  

Dozens of people asked me this question before but I received a lot of inboxes on my social networks regarding a term that I used several times while at the AirBnB Brooklyn Half Marathon course.  Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to take five minutes of your time to talk to you about "chub rub."
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...The Fuck is Chub Rub?

...so glad you asked.

Chub Rub:

Technical Term:  Friction Burn
My definition:  WTF!  It burns!

Chub rub, or friction burn, is an affectionate term that comes from your inner thighs rubbing together to create a bon fire between your legs.  If it gets exceptionally bad, your skin will start bleeding.  If you start feeling like your thighs are making love vigorously, you are already in trouble.  Oh, may I add that you can experience chub rub under your armpits too?

Contrary to belief, this is not just a fat person or woman specific thing.  It can happen to athletes and non athletes alike.  Sure, a lot of thick lumped people like myself experience it more than others, some of our skinny compadres go through it too, especially in the warmer months.  It can get so bad that some folks avoid wearing short shorts and dresses altogether.  
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So What Can I Do?

Thankfully, there's several ways that you can go about it:

1. Keep your thighs dry:  Let's say that you're going for a run and you're jogging for dear life (or maybe to the local bodega for a sandwich) and it's been twenty minutes outside in the blistering heat.  You start to sweat excessively and it starts to trickle down to your thighs.  IF you have the opportunity, change out your clothing or dry yourself off.  I know this is not an available option but it might reduce the chance of a forest fire.
2. Vasoline/Shea Butter:  This is actually one of my go to suggestions.  Perhaps this is not ideal for you but for me, this is how I pre-game before going outside for any type of workout.  Psst.  Hey parents out there!  If you have A&D ointment, you're ahead of the game.  There's a reason why it helps out the really little folk (and I'm not talking about dwarves).  
3. Baby Powder:  Meh, I'm not really a fan and to be honest, I heard mixed reviews with this suggestion.  Sure, baby powder can absorb moisture fairly well but what happens when it start to clump up?  You might end up having a different form of chub rub issues after a few hours.  Did I not mention how gross it must feel to walk around with this pasty concoction between your legs.  Ewww.
4. Balms:  If you have some extra pesos, try investing in Body Glide or other companies who specialize with chub rub.  Companies such as Arm & Hammer have their own brands but I must warn that the stick balms can run you anywhere from five to ten bucks.  Goddamn!  If you want to be cheap, try sticks of deodorant.  When I forgot my tub of Vasoline and was traveling out of state, I used my Dove deodorant and it worked like a charm for 13 miles.  
5. Consider the type of clothing that you're wearing:  Cotton clothing is Satan's love child to athletes, especially runners and cyclists.  If you are looking for something to hold onto moisture, put on cotton.  If you are trying to avoid being a victim of chub rub, try looking for items made with synthetic-fibers.  Not only are these types of clothing lighter but it doesn't retain moisture like cotton.  You want to wear something that allows breathability, not trapping in your sweat like it's an armed robbery.  
6. Bandalettes:  It's crazy that I never heard of this until a model told me about it.  Allegedly, it's a piece of clothing that's typically made of lace that you can wear around your thighs.  It prevents your skin from incurring friction.  I haven't tried this out but maybe I will for the summer.  My friends and family members begged for me to do more "girly things" like put on makeup and actually give a shit about my hair once in a blue.  For christ sakes, I wear a skirt while running.  Why the hell not?  Right?
7. When all else fails, layer your clothing:  In the beginning of my running adventures, I learned that if I wanted to wear something cute, put on one layer of spandex shorts under whatever I was wearing.  OMG, it feels like heaven.  

Did you ever experience the dreaded chub rub?  Any tips or suggestions that I missed on my list?  Please feel free to share or make suggestions here.