"...But You're Not Fat": A Valentine's Day Monologue

Happy Valentine's Day, my fellow fatties (or thin mints).  Just in case you couldn't notice, I'm long winded in my blog posts.  I am in love with typing sarcastic rants about everything I'm passionate about, especially when there's a lesson to be learned.  

​Here's today's lesson:  Telling me that I'm not fat doesn't mean...

I'm 220 lbs. in both images by the way...and I'm fat.  So what.

...But really though.  I'm fat and it's perfectly okay.

Lord Jesus Christ of Betty Crocker, I am not one who want to give you a list of do's and don'ts when it comes to social interaction but here's some passive aggressive suggestions that I might have for you:

1. "But you only weigh ___ pounds so why are you complaining?"  Staaaaappph!  Please stop right there.  What you view as a small thing may be a huge thing to someone else.  Unless this person is exhibiting signs of an eating disorder or a mental health issue, please don't be that person who compares their own self professed whale sized ass to their body.  Even if this person does show warning signs, you are not their doctor.  Try suggesting them to a professional resource.  Hear them out a bit and stimulate a nurturing conversation.  Shit...be quiet and LISTEN.  It helps.  This is NOT about YOU.  It's how that person is feeling.
2. "Don't be so hard on yourself.  You're beautiful." Wait, I'm ugly?  Is my nose jacked up?  Damnit, I knew I should have contoured my face a bit more before leaving the house.  When did I give you the indication that I am not beautiful or lack self worth?  Correlating fat to ugly is a problem.
3. For my men:  "Pfft.  You're a man.  Nobody gives a shit that you're fat."  Uhhh, says who?  Being 'fat' in today's judgmental society is not just a female issue.  Stop assuming that my plus size men don't feel shame or hurt by their body image.  Try not to belittle their emotions just because the world told them that they have to be 'strong' and a 'teddy bear.'
4. While we are on THAT topic about men:  "But I love me a big man!  You make me feel safe/warm/protected."  Okay...and your 'big teddy bear' wants to change his body image or improve his health.  Is he not the same person that you love and care about?  If he loses a shipment of donuts from his body, does that mean that he's a brand new person?  Y'all gonna hate me for being a parrot but THIS...AIN'T...ABOUT...YOU...BOOBOO!
5. "At least you don't have ____ like me."  Oh, so you want me to be redundant, huh?
6. "...But you're so solid.  At least you're not loose."  Oh, this one makes my ovaries grow three sizes.  Sure, I'm a beefy, muscular 220 lbs., size 12 sporting and 5'3 and a half foot Black girl from Brooklyn.  Oh yeah.  I scare a few folks when I sport a form fitting tight shirt.  It's impressive to some that I can bench press most people's insecurities but it doesn't stop me from being 220 + pounds.  I'm still fat darling.  The BMI told me to go fuck myself several years ago.  When I hit my adjusted goal weight, I was STILL a fat ass.  So you're trying to tell me that as long as my skin isn't loose, everything is okay?  Go have a seat and face the wall for a few hours.  
7. "Ugh...just cut out some carbs and be done with it."  Yeah, cutting out an essential energy source sounds great for me while pumping iron at the gym.  Yup.  ::insert eye rolls here::
8. "You're depressing me when you say things like that."  Frankly, I don't give a shit.  This is how I feel at this moment.  And why exactly are you depressed about my fat?  Does it give you calls at 2am seeking intervention?  Spare me the concerned card.  Are you bothered by my commentary because it makes you uncomfortable or because you truly believe it not to be true?  I'll sip on this tea as I wait for your response.
9. Let me cram you with a bunch of self help books to make you feel better.  I'm never talking to you EVER AGAIN in life.  Fat is not a goddamn curse word.  I promise I won't slit my wrists.  Stop it.
10. "You have such a cute face though."  You are going to catch every ounce of my fist with that condescending compliment.  I don't care if my face resembles a Gerber baby ad or a Cabbage Patch Doll, spare me the 'you look good for a fat girl' bullshit.  

​

​I Still Don't Get It...Be Blunt.

Just because I say that I'm fat doesn't mean that I'm going to jump off the Williamsburg Bridge during rush hour.  I am not saying that there's not people out there who are severely depressed from being overweight BUT there are folks who are okay with acknowledging that they are fat.  

It might just be a statement that comes out of our mouths in a small conversation.  Not everything requires an intervention.  No, I am not advocating that we should all have spirit fingers over a bowl of ice cream.  Just maybe I'm asking for some of you to stop belittling your friends, families, associates and possibly strangers' personal assessment about their lady and man lumps.  

Could it be a note to self?  Ask yourself if this was stated because they are seeking help or a support buddy.  Assess the situation and see if this person is looking for a pity party.  Hell, maybe the person is just standing in their own truth but there's a follow up statement to the original statement.  When in doubt, ask the question.  Unless the person is giving you a disclaimer that they're not looking for feedback or seeking a brain storming session with you, what's wrong with asking.  Wait, I'll pull this statement back a bit because there are a few out there who will get insulted that you questioned any aspects of their weight or fat despite them being the person who brought it up.  

I love my firm belly.  Honestly, I would like to lose a bit more core weight for vanity's sake and it helps not having the overhang in my jeans, which causes a skin rash to my lower belly regardless of how loosely fitted my jeans may be.  

Dare I mention again to my plus size warriors to not be so rough on our smaller framed audience when they feel like they're fat too?  We are all entitled to our own feelings and opinions.  For Valentine's Day, try gifting your loved ones (or that weird looking stranger in the street) some compassion and maybe a box of chocolate.  I'm sure that it'll be noticed in some sort of way, even if it's only for yourself.