Back of the Pack Runner

Sunday morning, my calloused feet enjoyed some fun time at Central Park for the Fred Lebow Half Marathon with New York Road Runners. I'm a notorious medal whore and I'm not in denial of such. For 2017, I'll be redecorating my side of the office to put up more medals. Cringe if you desire but my office will be bedazzled the hell out with finisher medals.

I kept my running gear simple: Base layer heat thermal shirt from Uniqlo, my Superfit Hero shirt from the BuzzFeed shoot and these cool capri leggings with deep pockets to store my cell phone and energy gels. Although my Saloman sneakers are close to done in mileage, I'm riding them until the wheels fall off.  Because my procrastinating nature can get the best out of me on race day, I didn't opt to pick up my bib or hat days before the race.  In my head, I lied to myself and said that I would be leaving out of my home by 6AM.  Six snoozed alarms later, I woke up at 5:45AM, not leaving my house until 6:45.  I suppose this isn't too terrible with my track record.

My train ride was fairly decent.  It was a straight shot to 96th Street.  Strangely enough, NYRR changed their course map or maybe it is because this is the first time that I participated in the Fred Lebow Half Marathon.  Last year, I was in between various parts of Florida for the Miami Half and days later venturing off to Atlanta to meet one of my beloved online friends of ten plus years for the first time.  Once I saw a pack of runners exiting the train, I felt pretty pumped up for my first race of the year.

Being late means that you're surrounded by a school of scattering runners of all ages scurrying off to their respective corrals.  Others like me are collecting their bibs, frantically running to bag check and heading back to the race line before cut off.  Please don't be a procrastinator like me.  Some races will not let you in if you do not make it to the start line on time.  Thankfully, I had ten minutes to spare to collect my bib, get my paraphernalia and shuffle my fat lumps to the start line.  
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And We're Off!

I started 8 minutes after the start of the race.  Around this time, you can hear the announcers strongly urging folks to hurry up and get on the start mat.  When being an international procrastinator, you have to know how far you can push your luck.  Again, don't be like me and if you choose to and happen to lose your entrance into the race, don't go hunting for me to whip my ass.  I'm broke and I can barely afford my own races.  

When I first started running at events, I used to be scared about being the last one at the finish line.  January 11, 2014 was my first NYRR race.  Year three of officially running in events taught me that being in the back of the pack isn't so bad.  

Oh, can I feel all of the side eyes and inserts of your favorite fun filled profanity words here but I'm serious.  Being in the back of the pack has its pluses and minus.  Since I am sure most of you guys are full of fears, particularly my new runners, about being in the back, I'll lay out all of the negative stuff below:

DRAWBACKS
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1. ​But I'll be the last person to finish... :  Ummm, but did you die?  Is being the last one to finish truly THAT bad?  You could just quit but you didn't.
2. Everyone is so much faster than me:  Your biggest opponent out there on the course is yourself.  Get into your head and tell your thoughts to shut the hell up and then exit stage left.  Put one foot in front of the other and don't stop moving.
   
3. I have family members and friends waiting for me to finish:  Uhhh, that's what they came out there for.  You signed up for an event and they signed up to cheer you on.  This comes with the package deal.  
   
4. But I hear so many people say that you're not a runner if you're too slow:  Can I be an asshole and say FUCK EM?  Oh, I think I said it.  You are a runner because you could have done anything else with your day but you're here.
   
5. The bus is going to get me:  Ha, isn't this an incentive to keep going?  Okay, I'll be lighter on this one.  It's a scary feeling, as a person who saw the bus behind me at two events.  I count my blessings that I haven't been picked up in one YET but who knows what the future holds.  Here's the deal:  If you get picked up in the bus because you didn't make the time, it is NOT a failure.  YOU DID YOUR BEST!  There's always another chance to redeem yourself.  Be happy for the ability to move, breathe, experience and live out something that many choose or cannot do.  If you happen to be one of those lucky SOB's who has the bus chasing you like a nut from every horror movie ever made, keep moving.  They will talk to you.  Some might tell you the precautions but can I tell you a little secret?  Some even have compassion enough to tell you that they will not pick you up if you just keep moving.  Remember, some of these guys and gals are runners too.  They know your spirit more than you may give them credit.
   

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POSITIVES

1. Hey, you're still running!  Well damn, isn't this what brought you here?  You get to run 3.1 miles, 13 miles, 26.2 miles...maybe even 50 miles today but you're alive, aren't you?  When I went through an anxiety attack at my brother in law's house about 7 years ago, I told him that I felt like I was dying.  He literally smacked me to stop me from passing out and asked me if I felt the pain.  Of course, I responded yes.  He quickly told me "If you feel something, you're not dead."  I guess he was right.
2. You might meet some incredible people on the course.  Sometimes, I come across a group of runners who reach some point where they're waiting for this to all be over.  Perhaps, you are that runner who is looking for it to all be over.  I find that while you are wearing that constipated look on your face, there's always someone out there who is willing to give you a pat on the shoulder to urge you to keep going. Perhaps today is your day to tell someone else the same.
3. Enjoy the views.  Don't get me wrong.  You can certainly enjoy the views and take in the beautiful sites of a trail or on the road in the front or middle of the pack but I find that I can see more when I slow down.  Sounds like a metaphor to life, doesn't it?
   
4. Be comfortable in your active meditation on the course.  Yes, I know.  You came out there for the goddamn medal like I did...or maybe you didn't but that's okay too.  Guess who had the chance to escape the loud ass family member who says profane shit at the dinner table?  You Boo!  Who's not at work today dealing with Joshua from HR telling you that you are not being respectful to your fellow coworker even though Joanne keeps stealing your lunch?  You damn right...YOU.  Personally, I find that meditation doesn't always have to be in stillness of the body but more of the mind.  The course helps me clear my head despite being surrounded by hundreds of runners.
5. Your race, your pace.  "But Toya, I heard that crap enough and it just sounds like a load of shit. Number 30847 just passed me...WITH HIS MEDAL ON!"  So the hell what.  You are going to get the same finisher's medal as number 30847 and 30846.  Just make it to the finish line safely and hopefully injury free.  Focus on putting one foot in front of the other and leave your ego in the port-a-potty.  
   
6. You made it out of the house.  Look around you and take in every single thing.  Yes, you are sweating like hell.  Your ass feels like the swamp.  Maybe your toes locked up and the girl with the poop emoji is reading your thoughts.  Despite everything that you could probably complain about, you are outside.  You are blessed honey.  YOU managed to walk, skip, wobble and possibly rolled onto the course.  Let the crowd's excitement make your blood pump.  Acknowledge your power.  Touch your bib and try to remember your number.  A stranger is going to cheer you on today.  Know that you're a firecracker, whether slow burning or quickly blazing.  You are powerful beyond words.  Even if it takes you 20 minutes to complete one mile, you are inspiring someone else on the sidelines.  You are a runner.  Don't ever doubt it.  
   

Happy Trails.