Serious Throwback: January 1, 2014, I randomly signed up for the Joe Klienerman 10K because I kept pushing off my bucket list item of running prior to my first half marathon. January 11, 2014 is the day that I learned that I didn't need another New Year's resolution to go to the dark abyss of lies that I told myself. Thank you to my fellow Black Girls Run sisters for helping me get past my emotions when I didn't think I'd get through it. P.S. I didn't get a medal that day because the real reward was in finishing.
I was supposed to run all week but I never made it. Some days, I was too tired after the gym session. Yesterday, my stomach yelled out some random obscenities at me as I exited out of my neighborhood's Planet Fitness and salivating over a meal that a fellow blogger & Instagrammer 300poundsandrunning posted on his feed. Grrr...thanks Martinus. Other days, I was depressed over some events that transpired fairly recently in my personal life.
Every excuse known to man, legitimate or not, prevented me from allowing my feet to embrace the victorious death battle with the pavement. I started to feel like a failure. You know what it's like being that one color in the 64 pack of Crayola that nobody wants to fuck with because it's ugly as hell. Like why did they even name you Split Pea Green and what kind of nut job do you think that I am to allow this color to grace my paper? After sulking and having a very emotional meltdown in my house, I said out loud, "In 2017, I'm going to cut the shit. I'm going to..." and then there was silence. I just stopped mid sentence because for some reason, I knew it was a damn lie.
Why do we set ourselves up for this New Year's Resolution bullshit EVERY YEAR? Okay, sure. It's a great motivator. What's wrong with making a list to get you off of your ass? Why are you such a pessimist? I'm not that much of a twat. Well, maybe I am. But why do we need to wait until the new year to start the change that we want to embrace? Do we truly need the new calendar to kick in for us to get the green light in rebooting our lives? I'll answer: FUCK NO!
Hear me out: On January 1st, I hate to admit that some of you "New Year, New Me" folks irk my soul at the gym. I know that I will have no choice but to make it there super early, like 4AM to get an available bench as you take selfies pretending to work out. That doesn't completely annoy me. Hypocritically, I have those moments in the bathroom mirror at the gym. What bothers me is that I know in a month's time, I am probably not going to see you ever again. I know that you probably just wasted 30.00 a month in a year contract that you'll use maybe six more times in the year. I cannot control your life or shake you to death to get you to stick to your fitness goals but as a person who kinda gives a shit about a random stranger sometimes, especially my guys and gals with health issues, I just want you to stay for a while.
It happens a lot with friends and family members. At the beginning of the year, I have a host of buddies hounding me down to get in a gym day. I'm excited, jazzed up and got on my cute outfit versus the frumpy crap that's comfortable, warm and screams out get the hell away from me. These folks join me for two sessions and then magically, some ninja kidnaps them to this far away island and they send me cancellation messages on their iLie app. After a while, they don't even bother sending out excuses and flat out wish me well on that and "one of these days" they're going to get their life together. My New Year's resolution running buddy turns into the ghost of Christmas past and I'm a loner again.
This blog sounds all different types of selfish. Poor baby is a Scrooge just because her friends and family won't pick things up and put things down with her no more. But yeaaaah but no.
Selfishly, I want to see you. Realistically, after a week, I'll be less bothered by it. I might get concerned from time to time if you expressed serious goals that you want to accomplish but unless you request that I harass you, I just won't do it. On a serious level, I want all of us (yes, me too) to stop lying to ourselves, looking for the first of the year to be our end all be all. I failed miserably several times with this running journey in my mind but the beauty is that I got right back up at some point. There's mornings where I do get a bit sad that my stomach looks like I robbed the Entemmann's factory because I refused to eat healthy or seasonal depression tells me to make brownies, buy ice cream and the gym is Satan's love child. But guess what? I eventually find myself again. Please don't be one of these folks who make the new year's resolution and don't follow through completely because you feel like one day off deterred you from picking back up where you left off. Whether it's fitness to mental wellness, make it work. I think the kids call it YOLO (you only live once} or maybe that phrase is old too. Go get your damn life today. Even if it takes you one week to a month to think it over. If you have to revise the plan, go for it. Ugh, oh hell, maybe even the first day of the year or on a "Monday", too. Whenever you decide to pick it up, keep shooting for the stars. After all, there's nobody to impress but yourself in this. If others happen to cheer you on, that's phenomenal but be your own incredible cheerleader. For Christ sake, if nobody that you know is cheering you on, I hope my profanity filled dialogue give you a clue that I give a f*ck about you stranger. I even censored it this time. Be a modern day dream catcher while traveling awake. I dare you.